Your face haunts my dreams. I could feel the breath move upon my back, up my neck, sending waves of anticipation through my body. It always feels real, your voice ringing out crystal clear, I hear it and I turn, but nothing. The sound of your laughter fades as soon as I look.
I miss the days laying curled in your arms, whether it be a fever induced sleep or just a much needed nap. I miss the touch of your lips as they brush across my forehead, gently wiping the hair from my face.... How I long for those days again.... I miss the comfort of your touch. I miss the safety of your arms.
How do I....
When you told me the news the other day that you wrote about yesterday, I felt sadness of course, but you saw how well, I responded. For I can not dwell upon such things. If I did, madness would become me. I can only hold on to the belief that everyone has their time and their place, and I believe with every ounce of being that it just isn't yours yet. You will come home to me.
I do not want to seem calloused, but I just can not dwell upon it. With you, my step-dad, several friends over there, I just can not think about it. For to think upon it would drive that stark reality home and I am functioning quite well in my dream world.
Of course, I am guilty of the what if scenarios all the time. What if you were kidnapped? I know exactly what I would do. I would be in that country, secure any arms that I may need. Then I would hunt the mother fuckers that took you down. They better hope that you are still alive. Because if I find you dead? It will be a long few days for them, because they will die a slow, painful death. I will not get into the details of what all I would do, as it would probably frighten most.
I can not dwell upon things like this.
Soon, it will be over, the nightmare will end.
Soon, I will wake up and that touch will be real, laughter will ring out once again, and all will be well, because life will be as it should be....