You know you are sick, when you are a smoker and you can't even choke down one smoke...... Yes, this has been the reasoning for my absence, the mere thought of out-putting any effort what-so-ever has been tiring in itself.
I do believe, the worst thing about being sick, is it leaves the mind to much freedom to wander. I already have this problem and it does not need anymore freedom... (Trust me on this one.)
Dreamland has been my escape... Although, today's dreams were better left undreamed, kept hidden and locked in a vault somewhere, but alas, they came to play and serve as stark reminders of reality. The very reality I hide from, day in and day out...
Don't mind me, I am rambling... I was searching through the web for an image, trying to avoid the news, but that can not happen. My eyes and ears have stayed peeled to the screen, searching for confirmation of my strange dream, thank the gods, no such confirmation has happened yet....
Anyways, Onto images.... I found this painting and I cried.... Silly perhaps, I, truly must be sick, for it takes a lot for this gal to cry... But this painting, teased me, playing with my memories, like a jokester, reminding me of memories and days gone past, memories and time that has been stolen for the past nine months and will continue to be stolen for at least six more...
I, truly resent their happiness, their smiles, their joy. Sometimes, I just want to stomp and kick my feet, throwing a tantrum like a child about the unfairness of it all. Can I do that?
I wish... But, no, I must remain strong, steadfast, unrelenting, unemotional, painted mask upon my face, for that is what is expected. Never allowing weakness or fear to show, never allowing one single sign of neediness to shine through. For that does no one any good.
I hate the world today.
Sometimes you find a song, that can put into words how you feel..... Here is that song for me today: